He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
