....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
PANTIES FOUND
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