I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
