I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
