I'm lost and stupid without you.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
