yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
