She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
