I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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