yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
