theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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