she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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