I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
