Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
