Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
