I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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