I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
