i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
