They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
