Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
