I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You are the jesus of drinking
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
