I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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