oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
3pm strippers are depressing
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize