All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
