NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
