happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
