sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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