bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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