It's like God shit irony all over that family
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
