You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
