So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
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