So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Randomize
