Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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