I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
