Having a random hookup so left but love u
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
