My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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