hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
