Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
