Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
