i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
