im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
