well you can't waste a boner
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
