And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
