he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
