My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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