maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
