please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
vagina is talking i cant
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
