Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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