eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
