We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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