i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
