As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
