my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
It's never too late to be topless.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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