just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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