2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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