Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
