I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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