Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
