maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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