A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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