You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
