every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize