Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
