I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Randomize
