i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
