I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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