you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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