I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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