She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
